Shake me already!

Prenatal yoga is actually a little more strenuous than I expected.  Well, at least the one I purchased is more strenuous than I anticipated-  Or it could be that I am just more horribly out of shape than I had originally thought!  Yes, yes, prenatal.  Now I have the excitement of being Bipolar and pregnant!

My hormones are off the charts right now.  I would love to say that I am managing my moods, but the reality is I am still stuck in a nice little hazy depression.  At least I am sending this year out with a bang- No pun intended.  The length of this one has me seriously considering postnatal meds.  Let's face it, I don't want to raise a child under these present circumstances.  Definitely not fair to that small person.

It has been so easy for me, up until now, to be completely selfish and stubborn in my stance to remain UNmedicated.  And I know I still have a small amount of time to get everything sorted out and in a routine before I have this baby, but my eminent defeat is lingering over my head.  I am stubborn, strong-minded, stubborn... My internal battle to overcome my disease is incessant.  Annoyingly so.

It's about as annoying as this all day morning sickness :(

Bipolar & the Holidays...

I'm sure it has be written... or there is some form of scientific explanation for the Bipolar downward spiral right around the Holidays. Mine has arrived right on time- maybe even a couple of days early. It has left me in a sort of mental hangover. Thick head, inability to complete a task, or thought (which I am finding difficult as I sit here writing), conversations are stagnant. Punctuation is horrible.

I have been a firm believer in self management of my Bipolar. It's actually quite simple:

1. Vacation somewhere sunny with oceanic breezes twice a year
2. Exercise daily
3. Limit Sugar and Alcohol intake
4. Keep a running list of achievable/attainable goals
5. Sleep

So where did I go wrong? Completely ignore the whole list in it's entirety. The last time I had a vacation was, well let me see, it has been since August of 2008. I haven't exercised on a regular basis since November 2009. I have been on a sugar and alcohol binge for several weeks, maybe even the better part of 2 months now. I can't find my list of goals, and sleep is only an idea.

Now I find myself attempting to be in the company of family with this beautifully colored grey cloud hanging over my head. It does feel a little cartoonish, sort of like the paxil commercials... I always crawl back out of the hole. It takes a while and I feel extremely raw while doing so, but I always make it back out. I know that there is an end in sight. I have seen it before. But putting an end way down the road in front of one of the most impatient people in the world is just downright rude!